Dungeons, but no dragons


When dice have a mind of their own,

though the possibility is known,

still last weekend was absurd

and with death did we flirt.

The wench, courageous and undaunted,

with her fiery flail she flaunted

only to be put in place

her cleric level back to base

when quth-maren gazed into eyes

his will empowered through the dice.

In cowering fright on floor she crawled

and shivering with eyes red, she bawled

until her siblings saved her ass

and brought her back to mighty class

Then from the corner a new beast stirs

and yet another fight is hers.

A hellish spider from the abyss

bit her straight back into paralysis.

A second rescue attempt was made

lucky for her the fiend took bait.

The wizard, fighter and the scout

dragged her, found a safe way out.

And from the dungeon they fled in shame

just in case a dragon came.


Top Ten Signs You Play Too Much DnD

  1. Someone says ‘Why do you have all those numbers tattooed on your hand?’, and you reply ‘Those aren’t tattoos, they’re die imprints.’
  2. Your elven fighter has had sex within the last six years – and you haven’t.
  3. You decide to play a zombie, just so you and your character can have the same skin color.
  4. You’ve been surviving so long on Doritos, Coke and pizza that your body now contains more plastic than your dice.
  5. You can recite, verbatim, every single rule from the DMG… but you can’t remember how many kids you have.
  6. You sign personal correspondences with your character’s name.
  7. After months of work, you have made up the entire dwarven language – words, rules of vocabulary, the whole lot. You are bilingual, and can now speak fluid dwarven. Your friends stare at you strangely, and no one will sit on the same side of the table as you.
  8. Drug addict and alcoholic friends of yours often stop you to say ‘Dude, get a grip’.
  9. Your ‘If I won the lottery’ plans involve creating: (a) a really cool DnD room, or (b) hiring actors to play monsters so that you and your friends can play DnD for real.
  10. You’d rather get a natural 18 when rolling character statistics than win the lottery.


Source: 3rd Edition Palace of D&D